**This is an extract from my journal**
I fucked up yesterday.
The day started so well. I woke up at 530am, I followed my morning ritual, completed all of my tasks, both personal and business, had a couple of telephone meetings with the MyOfficeMove team to decide that we do not want to raise investment on seeds and therefore do not need to spend £10,000+ on our video. I drove to London for a networking event with the Head of Marketing from Instant Offices and I finished the working day at 8pm.
To get home I had to stop at Stratford, the shopping centre with a casino where I played poker last week. I decided to grab a vegan dinner from Pho and play a game. I felt incredibly anxious but it wasn't in my mind, it was in my body. I ignored all the sensations to leave and go home. The voices said;
"By the time this finishes the tube will have stopped running".
"I have scheduled work for willblakey.co.uk tomorrow".
There were other signs too, like the fact that my body felt uncomfortable! I didn't listen and instead play a £200 cash game. As I sat down and started playing the voices changed;
"It's an experience".
"I can afford to lose it".
"Poker is a game of skill".
"Let's have a whisky to take the edge off".
I wrote in my journal just a few days ago not to drink alcohol. I hardly drink as it is but I want my body to be as pure as can be. I value my physical and mental health over everything else. If I am healthy in body and mind then I can do more, be more...and help others more!.
It took me 4 hours to drink a double whisky so I don't feel too bad, but nonetheless I didn't listen to myself and it's a slippery slope!
I played until 2am, sometimes I was up and sometimes I was down. I felt extremely tired but what kept me there was this half sexy blonde girl called Nikki who gave such good massages. The tube was shut so I had to pay £20 for an uber to North Greenwich where I had parked my car. I got home at 330am and I was now beyond the point of being tired. I ate some rice cakes with peanut butter and jam while watching Eminem (8 mile) until I fell asleep. I woke up at 10am feeling guilty, groggy and completely unmotivated.
So what did I do?
I ate porridge and a healthy shake in bed of course, while watching more rubbish on Netflix! Then I had 3 more rice cakes with peanut butter and jam while laying in bed questioning my life.
How can I build my projects and solve world poverty by 2060 if these are the choices I make?
The initial choice of gambling created such an uncomfortable feeling inside yet for some reason the desire was to mask that feeling with more poor choices. At 2pm while laying in bed the thought entered my mind to just go out and have a good time somewhere, get drunk and wake up tomorrow to an epiphany moment - you know the one where you declare you will never drink again? - That moment feels good, although 99% of people don't stick to it. It was at this point that I decided I needed to take action. I chose to write in this journal.
So how do I turn this day around?
Okay here goes;
- Freshen myself up
- Organise the house
- Build the book shelf that arrived today
- Put up my year planner and plan the year
- Upload this content to willblakey.co.uk (even if I do feel embarrassed)
- Forgive myself
- Enjoy my evening with Jannah.
I have discovered the 6 keys to will power - truth, meaning, purpose, discipline, consistency and commitment. I am at the final stage and the one thing that still causes me pain is commitment. For some reason it creates fear and it is this fear that causes me to lose discipline and consistency. Lack of commitment to myself is the source of all my poor choices, which has ultimately lead to who I am today. Anyway, I realise that now, lets treat this as a minor blip in the bigger picture - it is just another experience to develop self-awareness and grow as an individual.
**End of extract**
As I finish transferring my journal from paper to computer, I realise how powerful of a tool it has become to track my blind spots and undesirable patterns of behaviours, as well as create momentum to change the course of my day.
It is easy to allow the story we tell ourself to continue running in our mind until we sleep and hit the reset button. Writing is a great way to interrupt this program and redirect your thinking.
I have completed all the tasks I set out to and I no longer have the desire to go out and get drunk, even if that was just a thought it could have opened up a completely different world for me.
The choices we make today determine who we become tomorrow.
Click The-6-keys-to-WILL-powerand remember, you are always exactly where you are supposed to be:
Thank you for reading.
Love Will x